“Seizures are not my friend”

“Seizures are not my friend.”

Not friend

Sure there’s “getting used to” seizures after I’ve had the condition for so long, but there really is no getting buddy-buddy with them. I’m sure everyone with epilepsy can agree to that. It’s NOT fun. It’s unsettling. It’s uncomfortable. I wonder when the next one will be. When I have to go to a event, a big day or even to the supermarket I pray I don’t have a seizure. I don’t want it in my life at all. I want it gone. Forever.

Having seizures is a major inconvenience. It stops me from working, living my dream career which i had worked so hard to achieve, taking care of my family in the way i had planned for many years, doing the things that I love to do with family and friends, and effecting my mental state of mind – getting me really upset during bad times. Those with epilepsy – know that you are not alone. Persistent seizure activity can cause physical injuries, brain damages for some, depression, anxiety, and stress

As I take this journey, I hit bumps in the road. These bumps in the road are sadly unavoidable for the moment but they do however make me stronger. I fight and wont let this beast beat me.

Not a single one of us are alone along this journey Epilepsy. No matter how you’re feeling, there are many men, women and children on the exact same journey as I am. 

I am on a mission to raise awareness, raise hope, raise money to help our hospitals reach the point they can aid us closer to our homes. To stop arduous long journeys when we are not feeling well. I will not stop raising money and awareness until help and hopefully a cure is found.

I’m going to describe what a seizure feels like from my point of view.  A persons seizure experience is unique to the individual, but here is what it feels like to me. 

“A seizure is like being caught up in a whirl of fuzziness and sparks.”

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I feel dizzy, I feel like my tongue is tingling like having pins and needles. The back of my head feels thick like cotton wool.

“A seizure feels like being dragged deep under water, Making my loved ones voices become distant and distorted.”

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I feel like I’ve lost control of my body and no matter how much I struggle, I cannot stop it.

“It feels like my eyes are slowly fading out, leaving me in a dark lonely place.”

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I am no more. Ive gone to another place. The world of seizure where I am no longer able to know what is happening. 

I am unconscious.

The beast has control.

I awake. The beast and seizure has taken strength from all my limbs. They hurt.

It has hurt my head and I’m in pain. 

My legs, my arms feel like i have been running a marathon, the muscles hurt and feel so week. Wobbly. Not part of me. 

“It has taken away my strength, I have to sleep”

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No matter how many seizures I have, I cannot get use to them. I just live with them, fight with them and cope. Just like everyone who has to live with the beast.